Getting Over It.

I’m twenty-something but I am still such a baby.

It’s been two years since my dad passed away but I’m still so sad and I miss him so much. I wish he was still here so I can help him design more pamphlets for his ministry and proof-read his funny English.

Up until the night before his death, I still fought with him over some stupid noodles.

Why didn’t I just hug him and say that I love him?

That would have been too sissy and I am not a sissy. Our family don’t express feelings with words, we’re all just actions. If you love someone, you just do it. No need for stupid words. We can’t even give a proper “sorry”, instead we buy food as a sign of apology. It works. But it only goes so far because I wished I said “Sorry”. I hope when I have children, I will be able to teach them that words are just as important as actions.

Sometimes, I dream about him and in my dream I am aware that he is gone, I even ask him about death. I’m always so happy to see him and I never want it to end. But a dream is just a dream. It ends. And when I wake up, it makes me so depress that I don’t want to do anything but lie in bed all day.

Life goes on….

I know that.

I’ve read books, articles on how to deal with grief and lost of a parent and to move beyond it.

They never really say much. Time will heal the pain.

I don’t think I will ever get over his death.

How does one truly move on? Do you just gradually forget about it?

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